July 8 – July 11, 2022 (one-year anniversary post)

We humans are so small, aren’t we? We think we’re large and dominating and great and powerful, when really we are only mere specks of dust in the entirety of our universe and its timeline of existence. That thought used to scare me, but now it’s a warm blanket I wrap myself in. I find comfort in the reminders of that fact; I feel like I can breathe again when I think about how insignificant I am, in the grand scheme of life. 

Niagara Falls was one such reminder.

And before you interpret this as self-deprecation, I have to tell you that realizing my insignificance helps me find purpose in myself and in life. It could possibly help you too. Hopefully you’ll understand by the end of this post.

Toronto, here we come!

Ashley, Cara, Jess, Lauren and I are proof that you can plan a trip in a group chat and follow through. We are also proof that college friendships can withstand the test of time, distance, and change. Ashley, Cara, and Jess especially were there for me through the thick and thin of our sophomore year, the last year I officially spent with them at Roger Williams University (not counting the many weekend visits after I left). And there were some shitty times, let me tell you. If I didn’t have them I would have been completely miserable. But there were also really fun times, and they were fun because of them. They single-handedly (triple-handedly?) saved that year from total disaster.

Jess introduced us all to Lauren, who she met through her internship, during one of my visits after leaving RWU. To say we all got along is an understatement. She melded into our group so seamlessly. I’m pretty sure the next time I saw Lauren was for this trip to Toronto and there was absolutely no awkwardness of hardly knowing each other, because it never felt like that with her.

We started planning that May, and then suddenly it was July and we were packed into Ashley’s car and crossing the Canadian border.

How high can we go?

Toronto is a great city —clean and exciting. Our first night was chaotic; we timed our arrival right after a sudden black-out, so most of the restaurants we tried to go to were only accepting cash, and the ATM lines were ridiculous. We did manage to find outdoor seating, and while we might have been packed in pretty tightly, at least we weren’t hungry anymore.

While the food wasn’t much to boast about from that particular restaurant, we did eat at the revolving restaurant at the top of the CN Tower. We made the reservation weeks in advance and all agreed that the price of the meal would be worth the experience. And despite the fact that my risotto was absolutely disgusting, it was definitely worth it. The duck wing appetizer, the white wine, and the view made up for it. After dinner we spent time on the observation floor which was packed with people eager to catch the sunset.

The aquarium was spectacular, equipped with a seemingly endless conveyor belt walkway that snaked through the glass enclosure that created a tunnel around us. Seeing the sharks from above me was so fascinating! Partaking in some gummy edibles (legal in Canada, by the way, with dispensaries on every corner like Dunkin’ in New England) before our visit enhanced the beauty of all the creatures we saw.

We’ll never be royals (but we can dream)

If you want a super popular, super expensive, super beautiful wedding venue, then Casa Loma is the place for you. As we walked through the outdoor gardens of our museum tour, we watched seats and decorations being set up for a wedding ceremony. And believe it or not, as we were leaving, there were THREE brides and a whole crowd of guests.

I definitely don’t blame them though. Casa Loma has such a romantic, elegant atmosphere, perfect for a wedding. Or just for posing at the parapet pretending to be the owner of the place. Or for venturing to the top floor into the castle’s equivalent of an attic, up the narrow, metal, spiral staircase, to find yourself at the top in one of the castle towers, the view of the city before you. Doing that instead of a wedding will save you thousands of dollars, just so you know. 

We went to The Royal Ontario Museum on the same day, and we were all feeling the effects of walking around for so long. But it would’ve been a crime not to explore the wonders of the museum. So many crystals, historical artifacts, and fossils. We stayed for a couple hours but I could’ve spent half the day there.

I wasn’t feeling as fancy as I pretended I was at Casa Loma when we got poutine delivered to our Airbnb at midnight, and too late we found out that the house had NO silverware. In hindsight, we should’ve anticipated it because of how bare the house was to begin with, but it was only when we cracked open our cartons of poutine and went searching through every drawer and cabinet that we realized. 

But did you really eat poutine if you weren’t devouring it like Mother Nature intended, with nothing but your bare hands as a utensil? No, I don’t think so.

Happy coincidences

I’m not sure what the odds were that we would plan our trip during one of the nights that a nearby venue was hosting a Taylor Swift-themed dance party. Whatever they were, we were probably pretty lucky. I might not be a die-hard Swiftie, but when the DJ played songs from Taylor’s older albums, you know I was screaming along to the lyrics with everyone else.

Another lucky moment: Carlo’s Bakery (as in, the famous Cake Boss) right down the street from our Airbnb! Literally, a two-minute walk. The cannolis were delicious. That was the nice thing about where we stayed; there were some decent places to walk around and to visit. We couldn’t have picked a better location for the price that we paid between the five of us.

Niagra

I’m going to finish this post with the beginning of our trip.

As we stood on the boat in the middle of the falls, I said to Ashley, “It feels like I’m being cleansed right now.” I truly meant it. We were so close to the waterfall that the mist was spraying up into our faces. We were face to face but I could barely see her through my glasses. We were all laughing and taking picture after picture and my chest felt so light. Birds were soaring overhead and I felt like I could join them in the blue skies.

What a way to start the trip. I felt myself opening up spiritually and mentally. The bond between the five of us was palpable on that boat, wearing our ponchos tightly around our heads and experiencing that uninhibited joy together.

Remember what I said at the beginning, about finding comfort in being small? Seeing those rushing waters, the enormity of Niagara Falls, a natural fixture, had me breathing easier than I had in a while, and easier than I have since then, if I’m being honest. The thought hit me so suddenly, but it made me smile with a peace that I don’t think I’d felt before. Accepting the speck of my existence also allowed me to accept that I am enough, and accept that maybe I will only make a small dent on the universe, but the universe can have such an impact on me. And that in itself, is enough. Understanding that the universe can work through me, is enough.

So I am small, and you are small, we are all small, but it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. And if you’re as lucky as I am, you have great friends to tether you to this existence and make life that much more worth living.